The Blogwich

10 Ways to make your Holiday Season Brighter

2010-12-17T15:06:00.004-05:00

If you are caring for a family member, most likely you are feeling the pressure to create the perfect holiday experience for them. This stress added to the usual stress you feel can quickly lead to depression. Here are some tips to help cope with the demands of the season so that your holiday can be enjoyable and happy.

1.) Put first things first-If you always get depressed during the winter or around the holidays, see your doctor. There are therapies for this syndrome of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). See a counselor or find a friend to talk to.

2.) Simplify the season-Cut back, if you find the season overwhelming. Simplification is often the most effective tactic.

3.) Be honest with yourself and others-Be up front about what you can or can't do. Try to make people understand that your lives have changed and sometimes holidays and traditions might have to change as well.

4.) Listen to your favorite Music-Tunes can relax and help us get "into" the season. Be sure to include your favorites as well as your family's. If your loved one is in a nursing home, bring them a CD player so they can enjoy the music as well.

5.) Set soothing light-Try lighting candles with decorating for the holidays, baking treats or wrapping gifts.

6.) Get quiet time alone-Get up early, or go to bed late to find some "me" time. Take a walk, meditate or go to the gym for a quick work out.

7.) Delegate-Ask your spouse, a friend or a relative to take over some of your duties. You don't have to do everything yourself, and you will be surprised how willing others are to help out if you just ask.

8.) Remember the good times- Take time to walk down memory lane and remember your loved ones before these difficult times.

9.) Allow yourself to feel-The holidays can spotlight the things your elder can't enjoy any longer. The pain is real, allow yourself to feel it. Talk about it with other caregivers, friends or family.

10.) Let go of perfection-Life hasn't always been perfect, do the best with what you have. Take care of yourself along with others and do your best to enjoy the holiday season.

Making Life Changing Decisions

2009-02-10T14:52:00.005-05:00

It’s inevitable, and will happen to all of us at one time or another. As we age, we begin to need more and more assistance doing everyday tasks. Chores like housecleaning, cooking, driving, yard work and caring for pets can become virtually impossible as we age. That’s when the decision making process comes into play for those of us who are children with aging parents. There comes a time as children, we must step in and help our parents through the aging process. Decisions to be made are not easy, but keeping our parents quality of life and best interest in mind will help guide us down the right path.

If you’ve kept up with my blogging over the past few months, you will have noticed a trend in my Mother’s health. She was diagnosed early in 2008 with Ulcerative Colitis and her health has been deteriorating slowly since the diagnosis. While on my way to Chicago for a Thanksgiving celebration with friends, she became ill and was hospitalized. I immediately flew from Chicago to Phoenix to help care for her. I stayed for three weeks bringing her home from the hospital during that time and was her full time caregiver during her recovery. I left reluctantly after three weeks knowing I would be back for a scheduled visit over the Christmas and New Year holidays.

Talking and webcamming via computer daily with her helped to ease my mind that I had made the right decision to return home for a couple of weeks. I felt she was doing ok during my absence and the time quickly came for me to return. I thought this trip over the holidays would be much more pleasant, including a visit to my sister and her family in California.

Upon my arrival, I realized what a good front she had been putting on. Her health had deteriorated since my last visit and I felt now she was unable to do even the smallest of chores around the house due to her weakened state from the disease. I knew deep in my heart that something had to change. Was it time to move her to an assisted living facility, hire someone for full time in home care, move her to be with me in Florida, or with my siblings in California or Nebraska? My head was spinning from all of the options. The first step in the decision making process was to talk to Mom and find out what she wanted to do. I found the right time to have the discussion. Ultimately, I found out that under no circumstances, was she ready to leave the home that she and my Father occupied for the last fifteen years. Right or wrong, that’s how she felt. How could I not honor her wishes? I felt we had made good progress. Now at least I knew what I was dealing with. She wanted to stay in her own home for now.

I started researching in home care agencies but also started to think about my own personal situation. I was at a place in my own life where I had no ties to where I was living. Of course I had made friends living in South Florida, but felt no strong ties that would keep me there. I started to think about what would be best for my Mom, and how I would be able to manage her health and care living almost twenty-five hundred miles away. If I did move to Arizona to become her caregiver, would it work? All kinds of questions were filling my mind about the feasibility of it all. Sure, the move itself would be easy enough, but once arriving in Arizona the difficult part would begin.

After spending some time weighing the pro’s and con’s I felt that I should move my household into storage and make the trek on Route 10 from Florida to Arizona to become her primary caregiver. Even before going home to pack up everything there was much work to do in Arizona. I set up a physical therapist to come in twice a week and work with her on strengthening, and my sister and I hired an in home caregiver to come in the alternate days of the week to spend time with Mom and to do light housework. Additionally, I set up meals on wheels to come in daily to ensure she had at least one balanced meal per day during my absence. I actually felt comfortable leaving for a few weeks knowing all of the actions that we had taken to ensure her safety and wellbeing during my absence.

I returned home, secured storage and movers, began the process of packing up my household. Once that was complete, I began my journey from Florida to Arizona. Once arriving at Mom’s, I found that all my work setting up the services for her was well worth the effort. She enjoyed the company of the caregiver, the physical therapist had seen her improving in the weeks I was gone and the meals on wheels worked out great for her. I felt she had been well cared for.

Now I’ve been here about two weeks and we are still in the adjustment phase I think. Both of us are used to living alone and having our own space and way of doing things and each of us must compromise occasionally, which at times is difficult for both of us. I know she is happy that I’m here to help her out, but she is determined to get herself back to the point where she can live an independent life and return to her normal lifestyle.

Making Home Modifications for Seniors

2008-12-14T14:24:00.005-05:00

I always thought my parent’s home would be a great place for them to grow older. It’s single level, not too big with plenty of open space and no barriers that I perceived would get in the way of their mobility as they got older. A recent hospital stay left my Mom in a weakened condition and simple things like bathing and getting around the house became difficult for her. With my Mom now in the house alone, I soon realized that there are some modifications that needed to be made.

Thirty-five percent of people sixty-five and older don’t perceive a need to make modifications to their home to ensure their safety. Many of the changes I figured out on my own but I’m finding that it takes an outsider to sometimes point out modifications that can be made to help make life easier for our aging parents.

With my Mom now using a walker until her strength returns, I needed to clear pathways to ensure there was nothing that could cause her to trip or stumble. I quickly removed throw rugs, baskets of dog toys, and anything else that might get in her way.

The biggest problem with the walker was that it wouldn’t fit through doorways. She would “park” it at her bedroom door when entering that room and use the walls and furniture to help with her balance. I knew that could be a disaster waiting to happen.

The first day her physical therapist came, I mentioned that to him. He told me that was an easy fix and just removed the wheels from the outside of the walker and replaced them on the inside. It was a quick fix and something I should have thought of!!!! Oh well, that’s what he’s getting paid for right?

Below are some other tips for modifying your aging parent’s home to ensure their safety:

Lamp Placement Lamps should be place close to the bed or chair for easier reach. Also night lights should be used to light pathways that may be used during the night when it’s dark

Overhead lights Make sure the top and bottom of stairways are well lit and be sure to have switches at the top and the bottom of the stairs

Widen doorways Be sure doorways are wide enough to accommodate any walkers or wheelchairs. If the doorways can’t be widened, see if the walker or wheelchair can be modified to fit. Be sure not to compromise safety making these modifications, always double check with the manufacturer before making them

Light Bulbs Use brighter light bulbs to ensure the best possible lighting

Skid Strips Install skid strips on stairs to ensure no slips occur

Throw Rugs and Carpets Remove throw rugs or use double stick tape to secure carpets and throw rugs to the floor

Faucet Knobs Replace faucet knobs with levers

Small kitchen appliances Place small kitchen appliances on lower tables or shelves for easier access.

Bathrooms Add shower bench and handrails to shower or tub. Install raised toilet seat or place free standing bedside commode over existing toilet to enable easier access to the toilet

Convert Dining Room If bedrooms are upstairs, consider converting the dining room to a bedroom

Some of these modifications are simple no brainers, but making these changes can enhance the living experience of our aging parents. I’m sure most seniors are like my Mom and want to stay in their own home as long as possible living independently. These changes can help extend that time and help them to more easily care for themselves safely.

Homecare Training Essential for Caregivers

2008-11-03T10:49:00.003-05:00

Training is essential for in home caregivers to ensure the happiness, health and wellbeing of their patient or loved one in addition to providing necessary information to the caregiver on proper care techniques to provide a safe, healthy and supportive environment.

Many of us are tasked with caring for an aging parent, relative or family member with a disability. Frequently, most of us were unprepared for the role of primary caregiver and quickly learned how stressful and complex the role of in home caregiver can be. There are homecare training programs available that have been created by healthcare professionals to help the in home caregiver learn how to create a positive living environment along with providing the much needed technical detail that many family members do not have when beginning the process of being a primary caregiver. However, many of us may not have the time or resources available to obtain formal training before taking on the responsibility.

Listed below are suggestions to keep in mind when caring for a family member in their home or your own.

1) Learn techniques for the personal care of your loved one including proper techniques for bathing, lifting and carrying.

2) Learn to recognize early warning signs of health issues. Also, learn to check basic vital signs.

3) Be sure to respect the dignity and boundaries of your patient.

4) Ensure your loved ones physical and nutritional needs are met.

5) Provide emotional support and be sure you have emotional support, you’ll need it.

6) Know the local resources that are available to help you and the one you are caring for.

7) Maintain your own good health and wellbeing.

Keeping these suggestions in mind will help you provide a positive and healthy environment for you, your patient and your family. Proper in home care can make an enormous difference in your loved ones life and can mean the difference in being forced to enter a nursing facility versus maintaining independence and living at home.

Contact your local hospital, council on aging or community college to inquiry about formal home care training programs in your area. Additionally, look for programs that are recommended, endorsed or approved by the National Alliance for Caregiving or the National Family Caregivers Association.

Caring for your Parents

2008-10-14T13:56:00.006-04:00

While surfing the web this morning, I ran across a link to a PBS documentary called “Caring for your Parents”. As most of you have seen and hopefully watched, I have posted a link to another documentary on my blog called “The Sandwich Generation”. That video chronicles one family’s struggles with the issues of caring for children while taking on the responsibilities of caring for aging parents as well. The PBS documentary takes us into the lives of five families all from different socio- economic backgrounds, cultures, financial circumstances and medical/aging related issues.

I took the time to watch the entire video which lasted about 90 minutes. The nice thing about the way PBS has the website set-up you can watch the video in chapters. So, if you don’t have the time to watch the entire documentary, you can watch chapters at your convenience, a few minutes at a time.

As the population ages, adult children of aging parents are struggling with how to deal with the unprecedented social, economic and personal issues surrounding being a caregiver. “Caring for your Parents” is a moving film that draws attention to the emotional and universal reality we are all struggling with.

There are many relevant issues covered in the documentary like struggling to keep parents at home, tension among adult siblings and the complexity of changing the caregiver’s role as the health of the parent changes. Additionally the impact of care-giving on marriages and the importance of taking care of the caregiver are important topics covered in this documentary.

I find watching films and documentaries like this help me to understand how to better respond to the needs of my aging Mom. I’m also learning the importance of my own health and well being in addition to the needs and feelings of my siblings as we are working through helping our Mom.

To watch the video on-line just follow this link: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/caringforyourparents/watchonline/index.html

Travel and the Single Senior

2008-09-25T15:37:00.007-04:00

There’s no reason single seniors can’t travel. My Mom now finds time to volunteer with non-profits and also has begun to meet new friends in her 55+ community. She's enjoying weekly music nights, holiday cook-outs, pool parties and I feel the next step for her since losing my Dad is taking a vacation. She has travelled since becoming widowed, but only to visit my brother, sister and myself. It's easy for her to meet and talk to people, so I'm sure she would find herself having a great time vacationing with other single seniors.

There are many websites out there geared towards the single senior who wants to travel. There are “Single Friendly” tour group operators that offer no-cost or low-cost single supplements. They may even provide a guarantee share program where the single senior offers to be matched up with a roommate. If the tour operator is unable to match the senior, then a reduced single supplement is charged or maybe none at all.

Some things I would consider when helping my Mom research or book her single senior vacation are:

Book the vacation with a company that caters to single senior traveler
Do your research. Book the type of trip and destination that is conducive to the single senior (Cruises are great)

Use a website to find a travel companion, but be sure to do your homework and screen them thoroughly before vacationing with them

Be sure to understand the single supplement charges up front before booking and paying for the trip

Be sure to provide someone back home a copy of your itinerary and all of your contact information. This is a safety precaution all single travelers should take.

There is no reason that single seniors can’t travel and enjoy themselves on a vacation. There are many resources that can easily be found on the web to help plan single senior vacations that cater to every need of the senior. Many destinations, cruise lines and tour operators are senior friendly and with the right amount of research can be selected based on the needs of the traveler to insure a perfect vacation.

Sandwich Generation Responsibilites

2008-09-12T14:45:00.005-04:00

Caring for your aging parents is one of the responsibilities that go along with being of the sandwich generation. Making the right decision regarding the care of your aging parent s and relatives can sometimes be difficult and will always be emotional. There are steps that can make your life a bit easier, and theirs too.

Talk to your Parents and find out about their wishes and expectations. You should discuss long-term care insurance, living arrangements, medical care, financial and estate planning.
Prepare a personal data record and collect all the information you would need if your parents were to become incapacitated or die. This information includes financial information, legal documents, medical information and accounts, insurance policies, and funeral and burial wishes or plans.

Get support and advice if you are concerned about your parent’s mental or physical capacities. You can ask their doctor for a geriatric assessment. Seek help from a geriatric manager if you can’t care for your parents yourself. Support groups, adult day care and caregiver training are available if you are their primary caregiver.

Explore long term care for your parents. It may seem like a long way off, but it’s just around the corner. Some families are able to bring aging parents into their own homes, but others are not. An alternative is to purchase long-term care insurance to help cover all or part of the costs for in-home care or assisted living facilities.

Housing Options should be considered when you are no longer able to care for your parents at home or the services of the paid in-home caregiver become inadequate.

Assisted living facilities usually offer rental rooms, housekeeping services, meals, social activities and transportation. The primary focus is social for these types of facilities and they are not equipped to provide medical care. They are often state-licensed and serve seniors who need more help than independent living communities can provide. The costs for these facilities vary.

Nursing Homes are always state-licensed facilities and offer 24 hour access to medical care at three levels. (Skilled nursing, intermediate care and custodial care) Payment options must be explored as nursing homes are expensive. Payment options to be considered are: use of personal savings, retirement plans, long-term care insurance and Medicaid.

Caring for your aging parents and ultimately making the decision on long term care will be difficult and emotional, but thorough research of options can help ease the stress associated with this process. Involving your parents in the decision making when possible can help with their acceptance of the change in living arrangement s and allow for a smoother transition.

Life Stage Events and Instinct

2008-09-10T17:43:00.016-04:00

As I grew older, I realized that my siblings and I would eventually be faced with elder care issues and those life changing events that have now been defined as issues of the sandwich generation. As my parents were aging, my family and I were finding more and more occasions to celebrate and spend time with our parents. Then it happened, it seemed like life changed in an instant and we were immediately forced to recognize and adjust to life stage events that were beyond our control.

For Dad’s 75th birthday, we planned a small family get together. We all planned and coordinated our flights and schedules so we would arrive on the same day within hours of each other so we could make an entrance and all arrive at the same time at Mom and Dad’s house. Dad loved and enjoyed the entire weekend! For my Mom’s 75th, we all surprised her and showed up at a local restaurant, then stayed the entire weekend. It was so fun planning the weekend and keeping it a secret from her. She was so happy! We also planned cruises and vacations together, always enjoying each other and the time we were spending together.

None of us in my family were prepared when my father passed away quickly and without much notice. Unknowingly, we were forced into our first life stage event related to our parents aging and health. Once something happens like this, it changes everything in your life. I realize each person deals and accepts death differently, but I always thought that with the activities and time we spent together that I would be at peace when my parents pass away, knowing they lived a happy life and were loved. Not true. I think I was in shock the first few months after Dad died. It didn’t seem possible that I would never be able to ask his advice, go on a vacation with him or simply web cam with him on a Saturday morning. Even though we had our own feelings and grief to accept, my sister, brother and I knew we had to focus our energies on Mom. How could she live the rest of her life without him? So, immediately the focus changed from me and us, to her. I really think, we did it without even realizing it at the time. I wouldn’t do anything differently today now that I’m looking back upon it. It was instinct.

Additionally, during this life stage event, my sister had to address the concerns of her children. She was forced to balance the managing her own grief along with the grief of our mother and her children. That’s what the sandwich generation is all about. How can we effectively manage our own lives, along with those of our children and aging parents?

Being a parent, you instinctively care and love your children unconditionally. It’s the same dealing with the issues of your aging parents. You don’t have control of the situation, but are forced to deal with the consequences and make decisions that affect you and your entire family. Mutigenerational family’s life stage events affect everyone and never just one person. I’d like to give you the magic answer about preparing to deal with these issues, but I don’t think there is one. Communication between all members of the family is the key to handling the issues as they arise. With good communication you can be sure that everyone has an understanding of the issues and are in agreement with the plan to address them. Don’t try to prevent or ignore the issues, but be prepared to deal with them effectively when they do arise.

Pets Equal Better Health and Happiness

2008-09-10T17:29:00.007-04:00

I was lucky enough to have pets throughout my childhood, but never realized their importance.

Now that I'm older, I see the value especially when I see my Mom interacting with her dog, or recently during a hospital stay with a golden retriever named Harris that visited her. Clinical studies strongly support the position that pets help improve one's health and happiness.

When choosing a pet for a loved one, be sure consider the following factors:

Level of outdoor activity-if most of your time is spent at home, select a pet that would be happy in that environment. A small pet like a small dog or cat would be appropriate.
Small children and elderly-The size and energy level of the pet should be considered. Large and rambunctious dogs can accidently harm or knock down a small child or adult who is unsteady.
Home environment-If a neat and tidy home is important, you must consider the occasional animal hair, muddy footprints and "accidents" that can occur with pets.
Time commitment-Most importantly, keep in mind the time required to properly care for pets. Many pets can live 10-15-20 years and your commitment to a pet can last a lifetime.
When deciding between dogs and cats, consider indoors versus outdoors, training requirements, personality and sociability.

Adding a pet to your life or to the life of a loved one can create a lifelong friendship and bond improving overall health and wellbeing.

Be sure to discuss the idea before moving forward to be sure everyone involved will welcome the new addition to the family.

Technology and Long Distance Care

2008-09-10T17:06:00.010-04:00

They were simpler times that our parents lived in. Multigenerational families lived in the same house, or usually just blocks away from each other. Today, many families live hundreds, even thousands of miles away from each other making caring for aging parents difficult when life stage events occur.

The world we live in today allows us to become educated allowing us to secure jobs with the potential to relocate us around the globe. Growing up, many of us dream of the day when we can move away from our home town. New and exciting cities and jobs lure us away from our friends and most importantly, our families. We live our lives usually going home for holidays and significant life stage events such as birthdays, anniversaries and graduations. This is fine and life goes on keeping in contact with our families on those special occasions mixing in the occasional phone call and text message. As we age, it’s inevitable that our parents age too. While many of us think of our parents as always young it’s reality that they age as we age.

The reality is that we will all be faced with helping our parents through those life stage events in their golden years. The challenge is doing that effectively, while living thousands of miles away. Technology today in many ways seems to complicate the lives of our parents. Many have no desire to learn how to use technology to their advantage. We must show our parents that they can overcome their fears of technology and that overcoming those obstacles can help in the communication and decision making. The example I’ll use is the use of computers and webcams. I realize that working through health care issues and setting up in home care or assisted living arrangements probably will require visits and extended stays, but teaching your parent to use a computer and webcam can provide you daily face to face opportunities to chat with your loved ones.

I’ve learned from experience. I chat daily with my Mom and can tell when she is not feeling well. Using a telephone and calling daily is great, and I encourage that, but having a face to face conversation using the webcam is priceless. Webcams today are easy to use, and many come built into laptops now and even in desktop monitors. The software is free as most instant messaging services offer free webcam service. It all sounds great, but how do you get someone who can’t or won’t program the VCR to use a computer?

Like I mentioned, webcam software has become very easy to use. You just open the instant message window, and click on the person you want to chat with, and finally, click on the webcam icon. The person you are calling must then accept the call, and once that happens, both parties can see and hear each other. Many senior centers offer computer classes that will help teach the basics and train our seniors on everything they need to know to quickly become subject matter experts on the basics of computing. This is a great way to get your parents involved in a hobby, and just think of the hours of fun you and your children can have chatting face to face with Grandma and Grandpa.

It’s a great way to improve communications, but also a good tool in helping to manage the issues of the sandwich generation.